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Fun Real Estate Terms (Just For a Laugh)

When you start visiting properties you may find words have more than one meeting:

 

 

1 car garage – you can drive your Ford Escort into the garage but there is no room to open the door

 

Beachfront property, complete remodeling in 1996, a steal at this asking price – A hurricane motivated the remodeling; no hurricane insurance available, at any price

 

Bedroom in basement – basement has a 1′ by 2′ window

 

Bright and sunny - Venetian blinds not included

 

Build sweat equity – the house is not inhabitable

 

Cape Cod – styled after Third World slum dwellings

 

Charming - small

 

Close to all amenities – the backyard is a shopping mall parking

 

Comfortable - very small

 

Contemporary - at least 15 years old

 

Country in the city – a grotesquely overpriced large lot

 

Country living – too far from anywhere to drive to work

 

Cozy – not a single room could fit a full size bed

 

Cozy - very, very small

 

Desirable neighborhood – this little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood

has a snobbish reputation

 

Doll-house – tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.

 

Easy freeway access – noisy arterial street close to freeway

 

Easy to heat – see “cozy”

 

Efficiently designed kitchen – the kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time

 

Executive neighborhood - high taxes

 

Hurry! Won't last - about to collapse

 

In-city living – it is not safe to walk in this neighborhood after dark

 

Just available – previous owner just died on the premises, hope you don’t believe in ghosts

 

Large family room – large basement

 

Lots of storage space – basement too small to be called a family room

 

Low maintenance - no lawn/no yard; the kids will have to play in the street

 

Meticulously maintained in the original condition – the appliances are 50 years old

 

Modern - 30 to 40 years old

 

Motivated sellers – subtract 15% from the asking price

 

Must see inside – the outside is ugly

 

Natural setting - forget about planting, the deer will eat everything

 

Near transportation – Train goes through the backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night

 

Neighborhood watch – your next door neighbor has binoculars trained on your house

 

Newly remodeled kitchen – 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents

 

Old charmer – an old and ugly house

 

Park-like setting - a tree on the block

 

Partial mountain view – you can see the tip of Mt. Olympus if you climb the roof

 

Pet friendly neighborhood – organic matter constantly deposited in the front lawn

 

Prestigious - expensive

 

Ready to move in – the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint

 

Ready to remodel – the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in

 

Recreation room with wet bar – basement has been painted and has a faucet

 

Seasonal stream – muddy ditch across the property

 

Secluded setting - far away

 

Spacious - average

 

Sprawling ranch - inefficient floor plan

 

Starter home - run down

 

Storybook – the house is old and the roof is not flat

 

Stunning house – the house is not ugly

 

Sunny corner lot – noisy intersection of two busy streets

 

Territorial view – good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window

 

Three season sunroom – a small addition the owner did not have enough money to insulate

 

Townhouse - former tenement

 

Tudor – two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter

 

Unaffected charm - needs painting

 

Usable land – all the trees are gone.

 

Walk to stores - nowhere to park your car

 

Wildlife nearby – children and pets get ticks and fleas

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22A Selous Road
Harare,