Fun Real Estate Terms (Just For a Laugh)

When you start visiting properties you may find words have more than one meeting:



1 car garage – you can drive your Ford Escort into the garage but there is no room to open the door


Beachfront property, complete remodeling in 1996, a steal at this asking price – A hurricane motivated the remodeling; no hurricane insurance available, at any price


Bedroom in basement – basement has a 1′ by 2′ window


Bright and sunny - Venetian blinds not included


Build sweat equity – the house is not inhabitable


Cape Cod – styled after Third World slum dwellings


Charming - small


Close to all amenities – the backyard is a shopping mall parking


Comfortable - very small


Contemporary - at least 15 years old


Country in the city – a grotesquely overpriced large lot


Country living – too far from anywhere to drive to work


Cozy – not a single room could fit a full size bed


Cozy - very, very small


Desirable neighborhood – this little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood

has a snobbish reputation


Doll-house – tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.


Easy freeway access – noisy arterial street close to freeway


Easy to heat – see “cozy”


Efficiently designed kitchen – the kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time


Executive neighborhood - high taxes


Hurry! Won't last - about to collapse


In-city living – it is not safe to walk in this neighborhood after dark


Just available – previous owner just died on the premises, hope you don’t believe in ghosts


Large family room – large basement


Lots of storage space – basement too small to be called a family room


Low maintenance - no lawn/no yard; the kids will have to play in the street


Meticulously maintained in the original condition – the appliances are 50 years old


Modern - 30 to 40 years old


Motivated sellers – subtract 15% from the asking price


Must see inside – the outside is ugly


Natural setting - forget about planting, the deer will eat everything


Near transportation – Train goes through the backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night


Neighborhood watch – your next door neighbor has binoculars trained on your house


Newly remodeled kitchen – 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents


Old charmer – an old and ugly house


Park-like setting - a tree on the block


Partial mountain view – you can see the tip of Mt. Olympus if you climb the roof


Pet friendly neighborhood – organic matter constantly deposited in the front lawn


Prestigious - expensive


Ready to move in – the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint


Ready to remodel – the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in


Recreation room with wet bar – basement has been painted and has a faucet


Seasonal stream – muddy ditch across the property


Secluded setting - far away


Spacious - average


Sprawling ranch - inefficient floor plan


Starter home - run down


Storybook – the house is old and the roof is not flat


Stunning house – the house is not ugly


Sunny corner lot – noisy intersection of two busy streets


Territorial view – good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window


Three season sunroom – a small addition the owner did not have enough money to insulate


Townhouse - former tenement


Tudor – two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter


Unaffected charm - needs painting


Usable land – all the trees are gone.


Walk to stores - nowhere to park your car


Wildlife nearby – children and pets get ticks and fleas